Ever notice how we cry out for help in crisis, but rarely give God time when all is well?  The first thing we do is shout, “Oh, my God” or start to pray.  We cry out to Him because we inherently know where to find comfort.

When someone we love dies or is killed, we usually either turn toward God for comfort and peace or turn away in anger for what we expected Him to do or not do.

Below are some of the conflicts you may encounter:

— You go into a bargaining mode with God in an attempt to somehow prevent the loss.  “I’ll go to Sunday services for the rest of my life if only you’ll bring Mom back to me, even for just one minute."

— Everything you believed before their death, you now question.  Your belief system is totally shaken.  You’ve had these grounded beliefs but start to wonder what life is all about.  You ask many “why” questions.

— You wonder whether your loved one’s death or its timing is punishment for their or your past transgressions.

— Sometimes you have dreams of your loved one and you are not clear what they may mean.

— You question whether your loved one’s soul is in the right place.  Are they in heaven?

— You simply ask, “WHY?”  “Why her?”  “Why now?”  “Why this way?”  Your head spins and you never receive an answer, all the while torturing yourself as a sort of penance for what you did or didn’t do for your loved one.

I wish I could give you an answer to all your “whys.”  I can only tell you that most of us go through a period of “whys” and "if only's" and there is little to be done about it.  It’s just part of our questioning nature.  Some people will religiously try to dissuade you from speaking like this but, whether you say these words out loud or in your soul, you are saying and thinking them.

Understand that this is normal and you shouldn’t beat yourself up because you are feeling these feelings and questioning God.  Remember, God is almighty and if He can take millions of people all around this world, both loving and hating Him simultaneously each day, He can handle your “why” questions.  He still loves you anyway.

What you need to do, though, is understand you may never get an answer.  A favorite woman minister enlightened me about this.  “If we could answer all the ‘why’ questions,” she said, “we’d be God.” 

Now just think about that for a moment.  If we knew the answers to all things, we’d be God.  And if He gave us this ability, we wouldn’t need Him any longer, would we?

So you see, we have a choice.  We can either wallow in asking questions we will probably never know the answers to until we ourselves die, or we can create a more livable existence for ourselves for the remainder of our days.  We have this power.

And the miraculous thing about God is that He loves us whether we love Him or hate Him.  But He’s a gentleman and won’t intrude where He’s not wanted.  He’s always just a moment away and waits for us to ask for His help.  He wants to comfort us in our grief.  All we need do is say, “Lord, I need you. Please help me.”  That’s it.

Lastly, for those skeptics who need proof - just ask for it.  Ask Him to show you a sign.  Just say, “God, I want to believe.  Please make something happen in such a way that I will absolutely, positively know only You could have brought it to pass.''

I’ll be waiting for your email.